Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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