Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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