who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
