this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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