Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
