I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
