i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
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The beer is more important than you right now.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
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That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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