Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
