thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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