he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
