I'm going to jail i love you
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
This is the high leading the old right now
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
