you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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