I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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