he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
