Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
