I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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