There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
