im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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