I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
