eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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