Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize