Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm at about main and main street
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
