remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
