Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
