if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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