You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I look better un-naked...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
