I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
