Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
