He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
