I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
