I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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