i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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