The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
