Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
