I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
