can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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