VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
