I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
