She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
