so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
