i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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