Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
