I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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