I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
