shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
