So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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