I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
