I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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