Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
