Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
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We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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