i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
