and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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