Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
