I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
