My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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