i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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