P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
