I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
