Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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