Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
