just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
