Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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