My first STD was from a foam party
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
