Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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