got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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