There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
