please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
