apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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