We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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