the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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